ah-HAH! I always try to be better, and feel guilty when I'm not better. There fore I am always guilty, because "better" is not something you can achieve. "Better" is always a step higher than where you are at. School taught me to be better. Try your best. It is good to be the best. Get an A. Always go for the top. You will never reach the top, but life is all about giving everything to get there.

School did not teach me to follow my dreams. They were good about implanting the belief in my little brain that anything is possible, that I am special, that I have the potential to be anything and whatever I want to be. But they did not encourage BEING that. They encouraged me to be what THEY thought was best-- which was to be "the best (you can be)".

What one mind thinks is best is not what another mind thinks is best. They did not tell me to follow my heart, they told me to follow their heart. I think this is a very good way to educate a child, and am thankful for it, but as a result I will always feel guilty when I am not following the heart of an authority, and instead following my own. I will always feel that the *best* way to live is to get A's in every conventional walk of life. And I will always feel nervous and akward when I am not doing such. It is instinct. But it is, of course, all very minor in comparison the rewards of renouncing the act of marathoning towards A's, and instead finding your own A's, buried somewhere between the D+'s and C-'s

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